What’s In A Year? A Whole Fucking Lot, That’s What

What’s in a year? A lot of shit apparently. This past year has been both the fastest and slowest time of my life. It feels like both eons dragging on and seconds flying by.

If you’ve followed me consistently, you’ll understand why. If not, then I recommend reading this category.

It’s been one whole year since my dad passed. We have lived through all of the birthdays, holidays, seasons and accomplishments without you now. We now know what it’s like to not celebrate Christmas Day with you, to not celebrate a birthday with you, and to not introduce you to new and important people in our lives. We know what it’s like to have to figure out “dad” stuff without a dad. It really sucks.

Losing people you love is never easy. It also never feels how you’ll expect it to feel. Grief is not linear, it doesn’t get better nor does time really heal it. You just adapt and learn to live with it and soon enough it’ll become your new normal.

My sister and I a few weeks ago.

If the previous tagged posts weren’t worth your time or too long, here’s the TL;DR version: My dad suddenly died last summer from a brain aneurysm related to brain cancer treatment, I ended my engagement with my ex-fiance (to stay in Baltimore) who turned out to be a lying sack of shit anyways, I left freelance to work in a non-profit, I moved all my stuff back to Baltimore, one of my best friends committed suicide in February. Almost lost my dad’s house but regained control a few months ago. I gained 35+ pounds last summer and lost half of it. I launched my own branding and content creation agency.

I met my current boyfriend who has been nothing short of wonderful, a literal lifeline in this time of uncertainty and handling responsibilities I didn’t ask for. I wish every single day my dad could have met you, G. He would have loved you as much as I do and that’s not an exaggeration. If anything rips me apart about my dad not being here, it’s that: him not being able to meet you and knowing that I am with someone who loves me as much as you do.

Yep, it’s been wild.

I have been blessed with the most wonderful people in my life who have been there for me every step of the way. It’s funny how that works. The people I could have sworn would have been there for me didn’t visit, didn’t really call me, didn’t have much to say. Those who I barely knew stepped up to the friend plate and showed me the type of love and support I didn’t even know I was missing out on. Thank you. Thank you to my mom and my stepdad for helping me out financially and being a safety net whenever I needed it. I am SO beyond privileged to be able to have that.

It’s been a wild year full of a tornado of life changing events. I know this sounds strange but with the way things are going in my life now, I am ok. I own a house, I have a job, I just launched an agency that so many are already supporting. I have friends and a boyfriend. Two cats (AND MAYBE A DOG!). I think and hope my dad would be proud of the adult I’ve become in these past twelve months.

I wonder what he thinks of me finally paying my own cell phone bill.

One thought on “What’s In A Year? A Whole Fucking Lot, That’s What

  1. I can only imagine how tough life has been for you and Allison, I am so proud of the way you handled everything. Kaitlin, you are a strong, loving, and gifted person and I am proud to be your Nan. Well written as always. I love reading each and every one of your articles.

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